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Published on:

21st Nov 2024

From Prison to Purpose

November 21st, 2024

Sheanah welcomes back a returning guest, Cord Parks who shares his journey through incarceration and the lessons learned during their time in a federal camp. The conversation dives deep into the emotional and psychological impacts of serving time, as Cord reflects on how his perceptions of self and society shifted significantly. They discuss the stark contrasts between life inside and outside prison walls, touching upon the camaraderie formed with fellow inmates, the surprising insights gained from the experience, and the harsh realities of life behind bars. Cord emphasizes the importance of community, personal growth, and resilience, painting a vivid picture of his day-to-day experiences, the challenges faced, and the strategies employed to maintain a positive outlook amidst adversity. This episode is a powerful reminder of the human capacity for growth and the lessons that can be learned from even the most difficult circumstances.

Transcript
Shiana Rivers:

Who are you calling holistic?

Shiana Rivers:

Shiana, hi.

Shiana Rivers:

Welcome to.

Shiana Rivers:

Who you calling holistic?

Shiana Rivers:

I am your host, Shiana Rivers.

Shiana Rivers:

I'm recording today at GOT Sound Studio and I am joined by a guest that's been here before.

Shiana Rivers:

Welcome back.

Shiana Rivers:

Welcome.

Shiana Rivers:

And an official welcome back chord.

Guest:

Thank you.

Guest:

Thank you.

Guest:

I appreciate it.

Guest:

I'm happy to be back.

Guest:

I'm excited.

Guest:

I'm grateful.

Guest:

Yeah.

Guest:

Let's get to it.

Shiana Rivers:

So our last interaction on here, on.

Shiana Rivers:

Well, on here.

Shiana Rivers:

Yeah, on the podcast, you were.

Shiana Rivers:

For those who haven't listened yet or need to catch up, you were just about to leave.

Shiana Rivers:

You were about to go away for some time.

Shiana Rivers:

Yeah, to serve sometimes.

Guest:

To serve sometime.

Guest:

Correct.

Shiana Rivers:

Yeah, Let me, let me specify because.

Shiana Rivers:

Yeah, but you're back and we need to catch up a little bit, so.

Shiana Rivers:

Because people want the tea.

Guest:

They want the tea.

Shiana Rivers:

They want the tea.

Shiana Rivers:

So first of all, first of all, let's talk about how.

Shiana Rivers:

What were your thoughts when you went in?

Shiana Rivers:

Like, did you think you were going to be able to use a phone at all?

Shiana Rivers:

Did you have hopes for a phone?

Shiana Rivers:

Or did you only think you were going to be like, writing letters and.

Shiana Rivers:

Because I know people that have been to prison that are going live on Instagram, that are like, you know, still working, still doing the things.

Shiana Rivers:

So what was your thought process with that?

Guest:

So going into it, I had a pretty good idea that I would get access to a phone.

Guest:

Just didn't know how it was going to come, so I knew how it.

Shiana Rivers:

Was going to get there.

Guest:

You said you did.

Shiana Rivers:

We know how phones get into prisons.

Guest:

Oh, okay.

Guest:

I still don't know to this day.

Shiana Rivers:

And.

Shiana Rivers:

But what do you mean?

Shiana Rivers:

Anyway, continue.

Guest:

I don't know.

Guest:

I don't know how.

Guest:

I don't know how.

Guest:

Well, yeah, I figured that I would get access.

Guest:

I was at a camp.

Guest:

But the camp is the lowest level of custody, so camps have, you know, offenders who are serving 10 years or less, very low risk, no violent crimes.

Guest:

A lot of your high end, you know, drug dealers, doctors, lawyers, politicians, former police officers.

Guest:

The scope of the people I met and that I came across in there was like, huh, okay.

Shiana Rivers:

The whole networking conference situation, weirdly enough.

Guest:

Yeah, yeah, yeah, Very much so.

Guest:

And the interesting thing was that the day I turned myself in, I ended up bumping back into a friend who I knew from years past.

Guest:

I hadn't seen him in a while.

Guest:

He had.

Guest:

He had been.

Guest:

He's been incarcerated since:

Guest:

I was a football guy.

Guest:

So he didn't recognize me without my, my locks, because I had locks, you know, while I played.

Guest:

So I seen him, I was like, hey, what's up, man?

Guest:

He was like, he didn't recognize me at first.

Guest:

And then once I got processed into the facility, he said, man, I did not recognize who you were.

Guest:

And then, you know, he, you know, brought me some, you know, shoes and things like that to get me, know, situated.

Guest:

Some, you know, Nike slide.

Shiana Rivers:

You already had a friend?

Guest:

Yeah, I actually had a few people that were on site that I had no clue were actually, you know, there.

Guest:

So it was, it was a, it was an interesting experience.

Guest:

I can actually kind of visualize it and see it, you know, back to that day, the ride there, how I felt the process of, you know, pulling up to the facility, how it looked.

Guest:

So it's a satellite camp that's adjacent to a medium level facility.

Shiana Rivers:

Okay.

Guest:

Medium level facility is, you know, you know, people with 30, 20 crazy amount of years, but also two people who have violent crime.

Guest:

So individuals who, you know, may not be serving as much time, but they have a higher offense level.

Guest:

The federal system is a very interesting system in itself.

Guest:

For those who are not aware, you have the penitentiary, then it goes medium classification, low, and then camp.

Guest:

Most guys are working to get down to a camp.

Guest:

So you have individuals who may have been serving, you know, longer sentences, but after they got under the, a certain amount of time, they, you know, without any kind of conduct issues and things like that, they work their way down to a camp.

Guest:

And camp is very laid back.

Guest:

It's very, I, I hate to say it, prison itself reminds me of school, which we know that complex and.

Guest:

But the highlight of it so much more was just like, damn, this is so much like school.

Guest:

The, the dorm setup.

Guest:

So, you know, for a camp, it's a dorm.

Guest:

Eight by eight cubes, two bunk beds, locker, you know what I'm saying?

Guest:

And I think, you know, some of the things that this experience helped me to realize was like your whole living out of a locker, just living out this locker.

Guest:

Your, your, your commissary, your, your four green uniforms, your.

Guest:

And I say, look, I, I got on all great because all great is the western.

Guest:

And I, I said, I was like, I don't, I will never look at all gray again.

Guest:

The same because that's the, you know, that's the red color.

Shiana Rivers:

Now you're in gray today and I'm in gray today.

Shiana Rivers:

Perhaps you should toss those outfits.

Shiana Rivers:

Yeah, those that don't spark joy.

Guest:

Yeah.

Guest:

So it's Just, it's interesting, right, to even, even think about that.

Guest:

But how much of a parallel it is to school, the setup of the compound, the, the movements, you know, we didn't, we don't have movements at the camp level, but you know, at the medium and the lows and all that kind of stuff.

Guest:

They have too many moves with his 10 minute moves when the bell rings at school.

Guest:

Yes.

Guest:

You know, there are so many different things, but I think the thing for me was just meeting so many different individuals, so many different walks of life and so many smart guys, like very, very intelligent guys who some just, you know, bad circumstances, situations.

Guest:

A friend, a good friend of mine that I became friends with, Mr.

Guest:

A.J.

Guest:

you know, a successful business owner.

Guest:

He owns, you know, gas stations and all this stuff and you know, tax situation.

Guest:

You know, he beat the state, then the government picked it up.

Guest:

You know, his attorney kind of celebrated that beating the state.

Guest:

And you know, the government, if you met them mad, you know, they're coming.

Guest:

So you know that part.

Guest:

And also to see that on the federal system, your money doesn't matter.

Guest:

So when it all boils down, we're all spending, I don't care how much money you have, we all spending 360 for the month.

Guest:

That's your limit.

Guest:

That's what you get.

Guest:

I don't care if you're a millionaire or whatever.

Guest:

You know, I met guys who spent five, six, seven million dollars on their attorneys and they still ended up in the same place.

Guest:

So the federal system cares nothing about how much money you have.

Guest:

Yeah, so much, so much, so much.

Guest:

So I know you got some, some questions off of it.

Shiana Rivers:

I do, I do.

Shiana Rivers:

Looking back on before you went to prison, is there anything you would have wanted to tell yourself then?

Guest:

Absolutely, absolutely.

Shiana Rivers:

To prepare.

Guest:

Look.

Guest:

Oh yeah, well, looking back at it is not as bad as I thought it was going to be.

Guest:

Go in with the mindset to stay focused.

Guest:

Don't get too distracted with, you know, just time passing by or just trying to do the time is what most people say.

Guest:

I'm just, I'm just here to do my time, you know, and just being productive with the time.

Guest:

I did a, I did some reading, I spent a lot of time obviously working out, writing.

Guest:

That would be something I would tell myself too, was not to give myself grace on journaling because I'm well at talking but struggle with writing.

Guest:

So when I first got there, it was a little difficult for me to figure out how to structure, structure a journal.

Guest:

And I met a guy who wrote like everywhere he went he would have his pad, he would have his notepad, and guys kind of would get on him about it.

Guest:

But he was like, this is my.

Guest:

This is.

Guest:

That's what he did.

Guest:

And I sat down with him one day, I was like, dude, you know how he was like, he.

Guest:

He told me, he said, man, just.

Guest:

Just start writing.

Guest:

It don't gotta make sense.

Guest:

Yeah, he was just like, just start.

Guest:

He said, start off with whatever thought comes in your mind.

Guest:

Start.

Guest:

Right.

Guest:

You know, just start writing about it.

Shiana Rivers:

They call it free writing.

Shiana Rivers:

Yeah, it's just getting your thoughts on paper, out of your head and on to some paper.

Guest:

And what's interesting, when you go back and read it, you be like, this makes no sense.

Guest:

But then it does at the same time.

Guest:

If somebody else was to read it, they wouldn't.

Guest:

They wouldn't have a clue.

Guest:

But for yourself, it does.

Guest:

So, yeah, I would definitely tell myself to, you know, it's definitely not as bad as you thought it would be.

Guest:

It was just like going away to football camp, you know, just preparing myself for what it would be and that life goes on.

Guest:

And what I mean by that is, for those who are going in or who are in, it seems like, you know, you're in a portal.

Guest:

Like, time is kind of stopped in a.

Guest:

In a sense.

Guest:

But for those on the outside, their life is going on.

Guest:

So many people are going to say they're going to do this and they're going to do that, but you quickly see how people become distant memories, you know, when.

Guest:

You know, you've got.

Guest:

When they don't have access to you, you know, and when you're not accessible, you know, all the time.

Guest:

So that definitely showed me that through death and through.

Guest:

Through this experience, like, life goes on.

Guest:

People out of sight, out of mind is a thing, you know, it is a thing.

Guest:

And like I said, just to have.

Guest:

Just to really have grace with myself through this process.

Guest:

And it's definitely not as bad as I thought it was going to be.

Shiana Rivers:

How did your perception of yourself shift while you were in there?

Guest:

How did my perception of myself?

Guest:

I think the biggest thing was, like, I've always felt myself to be positive and a light, but I think for me, it just was a little bit more insight for me to be like, I'm a.

Guest:

I'm a.

Guest:

I'm a light wherever I go.

Guest:

So wherever I step foot in is to make it better or to make other people better.

Guest:

I know I'm going to challenge certain people's beliefs.

Guest:

I know I'm going to challenge certain people's perspectives on things.

Guest:

And I'm a light wherever I go.

Guest:

Like, I'm going to bring some form of intensity of competition.

Guest:

I'm going to bring some form of intensity of, you know, challenging the mindset.

Guest:

You know, I learned how to play chess.

Shiana Rivers:

Did you become Muslim, too?

Guest:

No.

Shiana Rivers:

Okay.

Shiana Rivers:

All right.

Guest:

No, no, no.

Guest:

Yeah, I learned how to play chess.

Guest:

I played a lot of softball.

Guest:

That competitive side of me, you know, that's just their play basketball, did those things.

Guest:

But definitely that.

Guest:

That I'm a.

Guest:

I'm a.

Guest:

I'm alike.

Guest:

And, you know, because of my background in sports, because of that things, people tend to gravitate to me to want to know more about sport and life.

Guest:

But now I understand that that is my.

Guest:

That is my vehicle to get people in, to hearing my.

Guest:

That is my vehicle to getting people into, you know, getting more in depth with who I am.

Guest:

Because majority of the time, once people have a full conversation with me, they understand like, oh, man, you.

Guest:

You did this, you did that.

Guest:

You know, all these different pockets of my life.

Guest:

So that.

Guest:

That in itself, it showed me a lot about myself in that regard that I might have been kind of dimming my own light in certain instances, too.

Guest:

You know what I'm saying?

Guest:

Ways that I have, like, we do.

Shiana Rivers:

That when we're not aware that we have such a light.

Guest:

Or.

Guest:

Or just sometime to protect people's insecurities around us.

Shiana Rivers:

Yeah, fuck that.

Guest:

Yeah.

Shiana Rivers:

Because by, like, shining your light isn't going to impose on mine.

Shiana Rivers:

It's just going to make it brighter.

Guest:

Right?

Guest:

Exactly.

Guest:

Exactly.

Guest:

And I've.

Guest:

I've.

Guest:

Yeah, I've went through that process of.

Guest:

Of dimming my light to help others shine or to, you know, not shine on insecurities of other things, you know, of other people as well, so that, you know, it's like, I'm gonna shine.

Guest:

I have to shine.

Guest:

I can't, you know, lower myself or step into different places thinking less than of myself, you know, what were.

Shiana Rivers:

What were some of the more difficult aspects that you hadn't anticipated?

Shiana Rivers:

I know you mentioned wearing green all the time or gray.

Shiana Rivers:

I know that's just like a small piece, but.

Guest:

Yeah, I think that I didn't anticipate.

Guest:

I didn't have too many expectations.

Guest:

I really worked hard to leave a lot of my expectations of what I thought and how I thought things would be.

Guest:

I feel that every.

Guest:

Everything that happened along the way, every process, everything that I experienced through this process, the communication with loved ones, the, you know, the relationships, the moments of having to go inward or having to trust your tribe to show up because I'm not there to control something.

Guest:

Having to put that trust out that someone else is going to have your best interest at heart to handle some affairs for you.

Guest:

Having that trust that people are going to do the things they say they were going to do, or having that pivot where somebody said that they were going to do something, they changed it along the way.

Guest:

It was really this.

Guest:

I think this season for me in general with this whole thing.

Guest:

The.

Guest:

The.

Guest:

The theme for me was surrender.

Guest:

It was.

Guest:

It was literally surrender.

Guest:

I self surrendered.

Guest:

I had to surrender to the process of a lot of things.

Guest:

I had a experience happened around this time last year where I was falsely accused of bringing contra brand into the prison, and I had to spend two weeks in the hole for someone else's doing.

Guest:

And I.

Guest:

I remember it like it was yesterday, but even in that, I had to surrender to the process and things work themselves out.

Guest:

Like, I.

Guest:

I realize the more that we try to control stuff, the more we actually screw up God's plan.

Shiana Rivers:

Yeah.

Guest:

You know what I'm saying?

Guest:

The more we try to.

Guest:

Let me fix this.

Guest:

Let me see how can I fix this?

Guest:

We actually take some steps back that we might have been going forward.

Guest:

I remember.

Guest:

I remember, like, yesterday, I'm calling out my name.

Guest:

I get, you know, walked up.

Guest:

I really don't have no clue what's going on.

Guest:

I was woke up out of my sleep.

Guest:

I'm.

Guest:

I'm asking the guard, like, okay, where y'all taking me?

Guest:

He's like, they told me to take you up to the big prison.

Guest:

So at the.

Guest:

At the medium is where the hold is.

Guest:

So anytime a.

Guest:

Anytime a.

Guest:

Anytime a.

Guest:

Anytime a situation happens where a altercation, fight, infraction, some discipline there, you have to go to the home.

Guest:

And I had to spend two weeks up there.

Guest:

So I remember the walk, and I remember getting up there, and I remember the captain like, okay, you know, go through the medicine, because you have to go through Mediterranean going to the larger prison.

Guest:

And I'm like, what am I looking for?

Guest:

He's like, for introducing contraband to the.

Guest:

To the prison.

Guest:

I'm like, excuse me.

Guest:

I'm like, y'all, you.

Guest:

You gotta have the wrong person.

Guest:

He's like, nah, we got you on camera.

Guest:

Come on with me.

Guest:

Like, what?

Guest:

I'm like, where did y'all get this information from?

Shiana Rivers:

So I'm like, did they show you the video?

Guest:

No.

Shiana Rivers:

Oh, okay.

Guest:

No.

Guest:

So I remember.

Guest:

I'm like, this shit cannot be real.

Guest:

I'm like.

Guest:

And I think I said, like, you got to be fucking kidding me.

Guest:

As I'm walking and I get in and it's so funny anytime it's funny today.

Guest:

It's very funny today.

Shiana Rivers:

Okay?

Shiana Rivers:

It wasn't funny that day.

Guest:

It definitely wasn't funny.

Shiana Rivers:

Right?

Guest:

When you, when you, when you get into the.

Guest:

The whole.

Guest:

I'm trying to paint a picture of it.

Guest:

It's.

Shiana Rivers:

It's say when you were in the hole, because we're not painting a picture for everybody else to have this experience.

Shiana Rivers:

All right, when you experienced yourself in the hole for those two weeks.

Guest:

Correct, correct.

Shiana Rivers:

You get there, you were in there.

Guest:

I get there.

Guest:

We were in the dorm and doing the set up.

Guest:

Totally different from the count.

Guest:

Right.

Guest:

So you're actually behind a wall now.

Guest:

Behind a wall, behind a door.

Guest:

Vividly remember, you know they make you change into orange and you were in.

Shiana Rivers:

What color before this?

Guest:

I was in greens.

Shiana Rivers:

Okay, all right.

Guest:

I was in greens.

Guest:

Khaki greens.

Guest:

But I actually think that morning I was actually in the graves then.

Guest:

So I walk up, they make you change clothes.

Guest:

You change into orange.

Guest:

Pair of shorts and a T shirt.

Guest:

Orange T shirt.

Guest:

They give you, you know, a base towel that's probably about this big.

Guest:

You can barely watch.

Guest:

Cloth this big, that's torn up, a soap this big.

Guest:

And I just remember getting in there and sitting.

Guest:

And I'm like, and you have a cellmate.

Guest:

And I remember just getting up there.

Guest:

He was like, what are you doing here?

Guest:

And I'm like, so I'm just having out of the camp.

Guest:

I have no clue.

Guest:

But we're gonna.

Guest:

We're gonna figure this out.

Guest:

I just remember the door closing and me looking out this window like, what the hell is going on?

Guest:

And you know, it's.

Guest:

It's a toilet.

Shiana Rivers:

Is this a smaller space?

Guest:

Yes, this is a smaller space.

Guest:

Bunk beds, steel beds.

Guest:

You get a little thin mat.

Guest:

It's.

Guest:

Yeah, it's.

Guest:

It's jail.

Guest:

Jail.

Guest:

Once you go the, the.

Guest:

The.

Guest:

The shoe is what they call it, the special housing unit.

Guest:

The shoe is the jail.

Guest:

For jail is weird, okay?

Shiana Rivers:

It's an inception of jail.

Shiana Rivers:

It's jail within the jail.

Guest:

It's the jail of the jail.

Guest:

So guys, infractions or anything like that on the medium compound, they come into the shoe.

Guest:

You don't get to come out.

Guest:

You're in your.

Guest:

You're in there for 23 and 1.

Guest:

You come out one hour for Rick.

Guest:

If you decide to go out for Rick.

Guest:

I was going out every single day to get me out of this, get me out of this sale every day.

Guest:

I remember it was cold, too.

Guest:

And this.

Guest:

This particular time was cold.

Guest:

And I just remember, like, standing out there with the.

Guest:

Jackie, I'm just working out, doing different stuff, and the first opportunity for the.

Guest:

The counselor or the camp administrator to come up, and I'm like, yo, why am I here?

Guest:

Why am I here?

Shiana Rivers:

How many days have gone by by then?

Guest:

Oh, actually, no.

Guest:

But the second day, I went to wreck.

Guest:

Okay, The.

Guest:

The.

Guest:

The.

Guest:

The officer who escorted me up there, he came, and I was like, yo, what am I.

Guest:

What am I doing up here?

Guest:

And he was like, they say they've.

Guest:

They saw you on the camera bringing contraband back in last night, and it had to be you because the guy was fast.

Guest:

And they pretty much profiled me because I was professional athlete.

Guest:

I kid you not.

Guest:

And I looked at him, I said, are you kidding me?

Guest:

He's like.

Guest:

He was.

Guest:

I'm just telling you what they said.

Guest:

But do you know who did it?

Guest:

No, I don't know who did it.

Guest:

No, I don't know.

Shiana Rivers:

What was the contraband?

Guest:

I don't know.

Shiana Rivers:

Okay.

Guest:

It can range.

Guest:

It can range from.

Guest:

It can range.

Shiana Rivers:

Okay.

Shiana Rivers:

They didn't even say what the.

Guest:

Okay, yeah, yeah, it can range.

Guest:

They just say a contraband means a bag, Whatever it is that came.

Guest:

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Guest:

And I just remember looking at him, I said, dude, I said, you come and talk to me about football and all this stuff.

Guest:

You randomly had these conversations with me about football.

Guest:

The only reason y'all know this is because some of the inmates say, oh, cool, played.

Guest:

Or, you know, whatever the case.

Guest:

Or, you know, somehow word travels around the compound.

Guest:

Like, you know, oh, we got this person on the compound.

Guest:

He did this, or, oh, we got a doctor on the compound.

Guest:

And, you know, they'll have conversations based off.

Guest:

They're like, hey, doc, my leg's been hurting.

Guest:

You have a.

Guest:

You know what I'm saying?

Guest:

So I'm like, are you serious?

Guest:

So from that point, I'm like, I don't know how this process is going to work.

Guest:

They say you're under investigation on the investigation mean that you can be in here from 30 to 90 days.

Guest:

You're getting three square meals.

Guest:

I can remember the sound of the flap banging every time they push the tray through the door.

Shiana Rivers:

But you weren't in there alone.

Guest:

No, I did have a ceiling.

Shiana Rivers:

Do you think it was better or worse that you weren't in there alone?

Guest:

I think it was better at first, okay.

Guest:

Because it was somebody to talk to.

Guest:

He had been up there for A while already.

Guest:

He.

Guest:

He knew, you know, he knew how everything operates.

Guest:

So I had somebody to kind of brief me on what was going on.

Guest:

Other than that I would have got up there, I wouldn't have had no clue.

Guest:

You know, you have no watch, you have no way of telling time.

Guest:

Except for the guards come by every 30 minutes to flush the toilets, because they have to flush the toilet by pressing the button.

Guest:

But yeah, it definitely, it definitely made it easier from that.

Guest:

Now, later on at certain things, you know, got a little annoying, like somebody snoring or stuff like that.

Guest:

And yeah, it's like, God, I could, you know, do this.

Guest:

But he definitely made it.

Guest:

Made the transition easy, easier.

Guest:

So, yeah, so probably about a week goes by, the unit manager comes, he's like, hey, you know, you're getting shit for introducing.

Guest:

But by this time, after I got back down to the camp, I had got word once they released me back, like, they already knew who had really did it.

Guest:

So they sent him up there, but they had me wait because it was a process of getting paperwork done.

Guest:

So I remember just being in that space of like, every time the door would open for administration to come in, me going to the door like, and they gonna call my name for me to go out.

Guest:

And it wasn't happening.

Guest:

So then that's when I, like, man, you just gotta.

Guest:

I just started writing.

Guest:

I was reading and once I surrendered, it was like, all right, man, all right, God, whatever.

Guest:

Okay, if it's going to be 30 days, it's going to be 90 days.

Guest:

Let's ride.

Guest:

That day I said that I go out to the rick yard to work out and they call my name.

Guest:

Parks, pack yourself.

Guest:

You're going back down to the camp.

Guest:

And yeah, I came out of looking like a wolverine because, you know, there's no haircut.

Guest:

Your hair started to grow.

Guest:

Yeah, yeah.

Shiana Rivers:

How often do you think people get falsely accused and end up in there?

Guest:

A lot.

Guest:

A lot, a lot.

Shiana Rivers:

And there's just no really telling how long they'll end up spending that time in there.

Shiana Rivers:

Just based on whatever the accusation is, I guess.

Guest:

Yeah, whatever the accusation is.

Guest:

Certain, certain things.

Guest:

Like guys who get caught with a cell phone typically spend two weeks or 21 days.

Guest:

Other stuff is like, you know, drugs, you know, guys, you know, all the different kind of drugs, you know, get caught doing that or for.

Guest:

Or if an inmate is having a reaction from a drug, they'll send them there.

Guest:

You know, different stuff like that.

Guest:

So I, the, I.

Guest:

The guy that I ended up talking to, he had been up there 90 days already, you know, and he just like, yeah, I'm.

Guest:

I've been up here three months, and they still ain't told me why I'm here.

Guest:

They just said, I'm on the investigation.

Shiana Rivers:

What was his mental state like?

Guest:

He was actually cool.

Shiana Rivers:

All right.

Shiana Rivers:

Because I just, like, I.

Shiana Rivers:

I think about, you know, of course, covet.

Shiana Rivers:

Made a lot of people spend a lot of time or a lot more time alone and whatnot.

Shiana Rivers:

But I just, you know, for some people, that amount of time solo I feel like, would drive them apeshit.

Shiana Rivers:

But then there's some people that thrive in that kind of space.

Shiana Rivers:

So I'm like, yeah, that.

Shiana Rivers:

That person in that cell with you could really, like, make or break your experience if.

Guest:

Absolutely.

Shiana Rivers:

If they were on the other side of that.

Guest:

Yeah.

Guest:

We had.

Guest:

We had a guy called.

Guest:

We call him the Big Show.

Guest:

He was literally the size of the wrestler, the Big Show.

Guest:

He snored, he talked in his sleep.

Guest:

He had all kind of panic attacks, and they brought him up there, and he was like.

Guest:

He was having a.

Guest:

Yeah, he was having a fit.

Guest:

And I actually had to end up moving sales because the guy.

Guest:

The guy he was with was a.

Guest:

Was a white guy.

Guest:

I mean, was.

Guest:

You know, was a black guy.

Guest:

He was a white guy.

Guest:

And then I was with the white guy, and it became a race thing, so they moved me up.

Guest:

But, yeah, he had a hard time.

Guest:

Oh, he had.

Guest:

He had a hard time.

Guest:

He had a hard time.

Guest:

So it can definitely be that.

Guest:

But the guys that were up there who understood, you know, they had their routine.

Guest:

That's a big thing with prison.

Guest:

Just like your routine.

Guest:

Once you get your routine, guys don't want to break that.

Guest:

They, you know, they figure out their pocket, and that's what they do.

Shiana Rivers:

Yeah.

Shiana Rivers:

And I mean, it's.

Shiana Rivers:

No, it's not much different than military or.

Guest:

No.

Shiana Rivers:

And if.

Shiana Rivers:

Even if we take out the, like, I don't want to say scary side, if.

Shiana Rivers:

If we take out the militant side of the things.

Shiana Rivers:

Right.

Shiana Rivers:

We take out prison stuff or military stuff.

Shiana Rivers:

Like, daily rituals are still.

Shiana Rivers:

Are what keeps us going and, like, something to help you stay centered and anchored.

Guest:

Yes.

Guest:

Yes.

Guest:

Yeah.

Guest:

And I think that was the first thing, too, for me was like, figuring out my routine when I got, you know, what time was I going to work out.

Guest:

You know, we had to have a job on the compound.

Guest:

So I.

Guest:

I clean.

Guest:

Me and another guy, we cleaned the building.

Guest:

What time we were going to do that.

Guest:

I knew what time, you know, breakfast was, lunch was, you know, dinner, you know, and Then, you know, you had the TV room, you had certain things.

Guest:

So once I.

Guest:

Once you figure out your routine, it was like you said, it's like, okay, and you, you know, your sweet spot.

Guest:

The only time it was difficult, you know, for people to break the routine is obviously when you go on lockdown.

Guest:

Because when you go on lockdown, there's no movement, but other than that.

Guest:

Yeah.

Shiana Rivers:

Do you get to switch jobs with somebody if you're like this?

Shiana Rivers:

This isn't what I want to do.

Shiana Rivers:

Can we switch?

Guest:

Yeah, yeah.

Guest:

Guys often switch.

Guest:

You know, like I said, the federal system is very interesting because obviously, we know it's a money thing.

Guest:

I think.

Shiana Rivers:

Not everybody knows this.

Shiana Rivers:

Oh, okay, okay.

Guest:

You're right.

Guest:

You're right.

Shiana Rivers:

Not everybody knows this.

Guest:

The cost of incarceration, I remember reading my sheet was 46,000 and some change a year.

Guest:

A year.

Guest:

Okay.

Guest:

That's what some people, you know, college tuition is.

Guest:

Okay.

Guest:

There are.

Guest:

There were 120 some inmates on the camp where I was located.

Guest:

So I, you know, I got a.

Guest:

You know, some of the guys are getting.

Guest:

Talking about this business stuff and how it works, and I think it was like the camp alone was producing like 5.1 million just off inmates.

Guest:

Okay.

Guest:

Also a lot of your.

Guest:

So where I was at, the medium makes the army fatigue pants.

Shiana Rivers:

Okay.

Guest:

Okay.

Guest:

They stop, they sew them, they stitch them, they make them.

Guest:

Then they come down to the camp, and the camp inspects them and gets them ready to be shipped off to the buyers.

Guest:

Guys at unicor maybe making $130 a month because the pay is obviously nothing.

Guest:

But that's one of the best jobs on any prison is going to be unicorn.

Guest:

And you have unicorn facilities at each prison and their contracts.

Guest:

I can only imagine the amount of money that they're making contracted, you know, from the army, from hospitals, from other prisons.

Guest:

Because some prisons make the uniforms for the other prisons crazy, but it show.

Shiana Rivers:

I mean, like, yay.

Shiana Rivers:

Like, excellent thinking on their part, but also terrible.

Guest:

Yeah, yeah.

Guest:

So it's a business.

Shiana Rivers:

Yeah.

Guest:

It'S a business.

Guest:

And when you understand that, you understand.

Guest:

You know, you start to.

Guest:

You start to look at a lot of things different and how they actually run inside the, you know, the facilities, too, you know, with medication, with, you know, you know, gentlemen.

Guest:

That was another thing, too.

Guest:

Another thing was a lot of elderly guys, a lot of older guys, you know, 60 plus 70.

Guest:

Like.

Guest:

Yeah, a lot of older guys were.

Shiana Rivers:

There, too, and they needed their daily medication or they weren't completely functioning right.

Guest:

Medical trips, you know, having to go to.

Guest:

I was in Talladega, so having to go down to uab, you know, for different treatments and different stuff like that, you know, so it's a lot.

Guest:

It's a lot of money that's being dumped into the federal prison prison system.

Shiana Rivers:

And was it like in school when you had a school nurse, if you weren't feeling well, you just.

Guest:

Same.

Guest:

I'm talking about same exact way.

Guest:

You have to go on a computer, put in a sick call.

Guest:

You know, you have to go down, you know, they.

Guest:

They check you out like a little.

Guest:

You know, it's a little bitty mini little office down there.

Guest:

You go into.

Guest:

We had a sick call, you know, education had a small classroom in the back.

Guest:

I taught a social media and marketing class.

Guest:

Look at you there.

Guest:

Yeah.

Guest:

It gets you recidivism points down.

Guest:

So you can.

Guest:

It can go towards, you know, showing, you know, that you're better for the community.

Guest:

They had, you know, entrepreneurial classes, credit classes.

Guest:

You had home inspection.

Guest:

I took a carpentry class, and I got certified as a carpenter.

Guest:

Yeah, even that is big business in there.

Guest:

Like, at one point, they started taking away these programs because a lot of inmates were coming home with skill sets.

Guest:

H.

Guest:

Vac.

Guest:

I.

Guest:

E.

Guest:

Mechanic, I.

Guest:

E.

Guest:

Carpentry, I.

Guest:

E.

Guest:

Welding.

Guest:

Because you can do all these.

Guest:

You can learn all these skill sets while you're there.

Guest:

So if you take the time to.

Guest:

You can actually, you know, hone in on the craft and learn some stuff.

Guest:

You know what I'm saying?

Guest:

I met some guys, man, they could.

Guest:

I'm talking about.

Guest:

Can fix just about anything.

Guest:

Could take speak, could take headphones and turn them into boombox speakers and all that.

Shiana Rivers:

Yeah, like real life engineers just behind bars.

Shiana Rivers:

Yeah.

Guest:

Yes.

Guest:

Like, the.

Guest:

The prison wouldn't run without them.

Guest:

Like, as soon as something breaks or something like that, they're coming in there to get that person to go and fix it for the war in order to do this or to do that.

Guest:

So, like I said, a lot of smart individuals, but definitely certain institutions have kind of scaled back on their programs.

Guest:

You know, funding is what they say.

Guest:

But I think it's also too, like, hold on, y'all.

Guest:

These guys going away and coming out of here with, you know, these licenses and these, you know, these different things in there, you know, so there are.

Shiana Rivers:

I'd be curious, like, if it's even allowed or not allowed, but, you know, as a.

Shiana Rivers:

As a prisoner in there being called to, hey, this broke, we need you to fix it.

Shiana Rivers:

Like, no, hire somebody.

Shiana Rivers:

Like, y'all got Y'all got the money to do it?

Guest:

Nope.

Guest:

They.

Guest:

That's what you hear.

Guest:

You.

Guest:

You work.

Guest:

This is what you.

Guest:

Hey, fix it.

Guest:

You know, you fix it.

Guest:

Like I've.

Guest:

We very rarely saw a third party company coming in and fix anything at all.

Guest:

At all.

Guest:

You had guys, like I said, you had guys who were mechanics.

Guest:

You had guys who, you know, like I said, H vac guys, like pretty much the inmates made sure everything, you know, plumbers, all that kind of stuff, who ran and made sure everything was, you know, fixed and operated on and all that kind of stuff.

Shiana Rivers:

Did you have any people or practices while you were there that just really helped you get through your time?

Guest:

Yeah, like I said, the, The.

Guest:

The sports community.

Guest:

This, the sports community we had was.

Guest:

Was like, we had a faithful.

Guest:

Every Wednesday, every Sunday.

Guest:

Softball game was very competitive.

Guest:

Was a thing that everybody would come up and watch.

Shiana Rivers:

And so you got to practice before games?

Guest:

No, we, you know, sometimes we would.

Guest:

Sometimes we would, you know, go up there back practice and stuff like that.

Shiana Rivers:

Okay.

Guest:

But yeah, the basketball, you know, obviously, like I said, the sports side.

Guest:

The sports seemed to be the thing, I guess, inside and outside that brings people together, no matter the race or anything like that.

Guest:

But definitely, you know, that was a thing.

Guest:

Sure was the sport on the compound.

Guest:

Other than that, I spent a lot of time talking to the elders in there, the ogs learning.

Shiana Rivers:

Is that who taught you chess?

Guest:

Say it again?

Shiana Rivers:

Is that who taught you chess?

Guest:

Oh, actually, no.

Guest:

A younger, A younger guy taught.

Guest:

He.

Guest:

I.

Guest:

I would sit back and watch him play.

Guest:

He.

Guest:

He would be kicking ass.

Guest:

And then I finally was.

Guest:

I sat back and watched for like two, three months.

Guest:

And then I just started playing.

Guest:

And when I started playing, I'm like, okay, I'm getting the hang of this, you know what I'm saying?

Guest:

And started to actually enjoy the game and start to, you know, to understand the pieces and how they move and all that kind of stuff.

Guest:

But no, it was actually, it was actually a younger guy.

Guest:

But I just love hearing stories from, you know, from OGs from.

Guest:

From older guys who.

Guest:

The.

Guest:

Their life experiences what got them here, you know, you know, hearing about, you know, one of.

Guest:

One of my buddies, G, you know, was convicted and was.

Guest:

They never once saw him make a transaction, never once off of a conspiracy case.

Guest:

And he got.

Guest:

They call it ghost dope.

Guest:

It's like we never seen you do anything, but this person said that they sold you this, you know, this amount, and then they take that and they multiply by this many months.

Guest:

All of, you know, all off of somebody saying this is what they did to get themselves less time, you know what I'm saying?

Guest:

You know, hearing stories about that, hearing stories about man, the, the, the medical industry from the doctors.

Shiana Rivers:

I know we had spoken and you, you mentioned some of the, I don't want to say hush money but like some of the, the fuckery that they were locked up for.

Shiana Rivers:

Can you share some of that today?

Guest:

The, the health, the health, the health.

Shiana Rivers:

I mean, you know what I talk about.

Shiana Rivers:

So I'm familiar with the health industry.

Shiana Rivers:

Not everybody else is familiar with the health industry.

Guest:

Yeah.

Guest:

Without going into too much detail in regards to people's situations, we'll just say that a lot of people in the health industry are getting kickbacks from these, from big pharma, from different organizations in regards to pushing out certain medications to certain people.

Guest:

You might not even actually need this medication.

Guest:

But you know, said doctor, you know, is getting a kickback to get 200 people onto this medication for a trial for this study and it, it gets very, very deep.

Shiana Rivers:

Yeah, I don't know if you've seen that show Painkiller.

Shiana Rivers:

I've talked about it on here before too and it was during the opioid crisis and some of the physicians that were getting in trouble around that time because they were just writing them just to write it because they got so much money by prescribing X amount of.

Guest:

Yeah, yeah.

Guest:

You know, and even with you know, body Biden extending the 10 year extension of the COVID Invest.

Guest:

You know, I forgot what was the bill but you know, into, into investigating crimes of COVID stuff.

Guest:

See a lot of people are focusing on the ppv but there are so many other things that were going on in the, on the medical side of COVID that people are not aware of that people were making so much money at these swab stations with the labs and all that kind of stuff.

Guest:

It'll be a lot of people that fall, you know, behind that stuff, you know that, that more people are focusing on ppp.

Guest:

But it was a lot of other stuff going on with COVID stuff, you know, aside from that.

Shiana Rivers:

Yeah, like I'm sure there's so many like DNA things out there that we don't know about that we.

Shiana Rivers:

That are just floating around or like what, what are they being used for?

Shiana Rivers:

Or like there's so much that we don't know.

Guest:

So much.

Guest:

So much.

Guest:

So.

Guest:

Yeah, I like I said, I really, you know, got a lot of information and learned a lot of stuff and especially just about, you know, the federal system in General.

Guest:

But yeah, like the doctors and, you know, all that kind of stuff.

Guest:

I definitely learned a lot.

Guest:

Like, for sure, for sure.

Guest:

Like, I did what.

Guest:

Oh, you made.

Guest:

How much?

Guest:

Oh, you know, like.

Guest:

Okay.

Guest:

Yeah, yeah.

Shiana Rivers:

So how much time did you serve in prison again now?

Guest:

So my overall sentence, I was sentenced to 27 months in totality.

Guest:

I did 15 or 16 off of that 27 months.

Guest:

I spent actually 11 months at the camp and then 6 months, 17 months, 6 months at the halfway house.

Shiana Rivers:

Okay.

Shiana Rivers:

When you were still at the camp.

Shiana Rivers:

Well, we can even combine it.

Shiana Rivers:

What?

Shiana Rivers:

And I know you and I had spoken about this when we caught up after you had gotten back home and everything too, but what shifts did you notice in some of your personal relationships?

Guest:

What shift did I notice?

Shiana Rivers:

I know you said that some of the things continue to go on and some things had to be.

Guest:

Yeah.

Shiana Rivers:

Around because some people couldn't, you know, do what they said that they were going to do or they had to alter how that changed.

Shiana Rivers:

But.

Guest:

I think the first kind of shift for me at first was the kind of me getting past this, the shame phase still.

Guest:

So I did notice when I first got back home, like, I kind of, like I was having this effect energy wise on my eyes, looking at people in their faces.

Guest:

I don't know what it was, but I remember bumping into people, you know, out running errands and doing stuff, you know, and I would just, I would have this weird energy over my eyes.

Guest:

Eyes.

Guest:

I would, I would look and I'm, I'm big into looking people in their faces.

Guest:

I would look, but then I would, I would, I would, you know, I would kind of look away after a while and I, I dug into the root cause of it and it was, you know, it was just me still kind of battling the shame part of it.

Guest:

I also noticed the transition mentally for me was seeing people in different colors because like I said, I had been.

Guest:

All I had been seeing for a long time was a bunch of people in gray and green.

Guest:

Another thing I, I remember going into Walmart and just seeing other people that for the short amount of time I was going, I didn't think that it would have that kind of psychological effect.

Shiana Rivers:

Yeah.

Guest:

But I definitely, you know, noticed it just like being out in public or being out at different stuff and you know, the, the, the, the, the, oh, the politeness in prison.

Guest:

So the, the.

Guest:

When you walk through people having a conversation, people say excuse me a lot.

Guest:

It's, it's a, it's a big thing about respect in prison.

Guest:

And you Know, if you.

Guest:

You walking through a comment, people should say excuse me a lot and all that kind of stuff, you know, And I just noticed how rude people actually are.

Guest:

You know, they all.

Shiana Rivers:

And it's funny, because people want to move to the south because they say they're so polite in the south, but it's not necessarily around.

Guest:

Correct.

Guest:

It's not.

Guest:

It's not.

Guest:

And what else?

Guest:

Being detached.

Guest:

Being detached from a phone, psychologically, you know.

Guest:

You know, which I don't have a problem with that because, like, I.

Guest:

I like to go off and ride my dirt bike, and I don't have to have a phone or anything like that.

Guest:

But for those around me, I think the.

Guest:

The tough part was for my mother was just the transition apart and her being in fear of something happening and me having to go back.

Guest:

But that was because of the conversations you were having were fear driven.

Guest:

So people who were having conversation were like, oh, make sure.

Guest:

Tell them.

Guest:

Make sure you don't do this.

Guest:

Tell them.

Guest:

Make sure you don't do that.

Guest:

And I'm like, like, those people were in prison, like, 30 years ago.

Shiana Rivers:

Right, right.

Guest:

It's.

Guest:

It was.

Guest:

It was a long time ago.

Guest:

You couldn't even have a phone, you know, or have that kind of stuff at the halfway house or, you know, being able to leave and go to work and do different stuff.

Guest:

So a lot of it was, you know, fear, fear, fear.

Guest:

Conversations that she were having outside of that, you know, once people saw that I was home, it was just like the.

Guest:

The.

Guest:

The.

Guest:

Oh, it's just like, you know, you.

Shiana Rivers:

Know, wasn't with me shooting in the gym.

Guest:

Yeah, like you been at.

Guest:

But, you know, I also, like I said, I had a lot more grace for people because life does go on.

Guest:

And I wasn't about to be that guy calling like, hey, what y'all doing?

Guest:

Like, I try my best not.

Guest:

And even when people would just reach out, like, it's cool, but I'm not gonna be that guy like, hey, what y'all doing?

Guest:

I know what you're doing.

Guest:

You live a life.

Guest:

You're living life, you know, So I think that, you know, I.

Guest:

I didn't notice too much except for, like I said, kind of feeling like the veil had been taken off of my eyes in regards to seeing people for who they are, believing it, giving people grace and acceptance for once I seen it and once I had the realization of it.

Guest:

And then just.

Guest:

Even through this time, too, it's just been actually me getting back to me filling my own cup, me taking care of myself.

Guest:

And me getting back to doing the things that I enjoy doing because I spent, you know, in the management role.

Guest:

It's, you know, what I do is making sure people are.

Guest:

You good, you're good, you good.

Guest:

So my therapist asked me a couple weeks ago, like, hey, you know, the question was, you know, what were my goals and what were some of the things for myself?

Guest:

And I'm like, damn, okay.

Guest:

My goal is to get this client to this my girl.

Guest:

I'm like, oh, I sat there for me.

Guest:

I'm like, okay.

Guest:

Nah, this ain't this.

Shiana Rivers:

Your own goals for you.

Guest:

Yeah.

Shiana Rivers:

Everybody else.

Shiana Rivers:

Yeah.

Shiana Rivers:

Yep.

Guest:

Yeah, yeah.

Guest:

So that.

Guest:

And that in itself was something.

Guest:

I did a.

Guest:

I got a lymphatic drainage massage.

Guest:

That whole experience off of me and my body went through a crazy detox like flu.

Guest:

Like I got sick.

Guest:

Sick.

Guest:

Like it forced me into a fast.

Guest:

Like it was.

Guest:

It was.

Guest:

Oh, my God.

Shiana Rivers:

They call it like a healing crisis.

Guest:

Yes.

Guest:

Because I had to look it up.

Shiana Rivers:

Yep, yep.

Guest:

I had to look it up because I was mad.

Shiana Rivers:

But think about how many energies you are around.

Shiana Rivers:

And you are Scorpio.

Shiana Rivers:

So you're water.

Shiana Rivers:

And I tell people, like when they're water signs, you absorb a lot of other people's shit just off principle by default.

Guest:

Yeah, yeah.

Shiana Rivers:

So, yeah, that Jacks.

Guest:

Yeah.

Guest:

So, you know, doing those different things to recalibrate myself mentally, you know, physically still, still in that pocket of like, all right, you know, getting back to doing the things that I enjoy doing and making sure that I'm putting, you know, myself first has been the thing for the past two months for sure.

Guest:

It's been difficult, but it's been a thing.

Shiana Rivers:

What.

Shiana Rivers:

Whenever you had mentioned to me that you were getting out sooner.

Shiana Rivers:

Right.

Shiana Rivers:

What else did you share with me at that time that you can share with the listeners?

Shiana Rivers:

What.

Shiana Rivers:

I don't remember if it was a moon phase at the time or there was a.

Shiana Rivers:

Something that came up.

Shiana Rivers:

I don't know if it was around your birthday, but is when you received the news and it was right after.

Shiana Rivers:

Didn't you set intentions, maybe something.

Guest:

Yes.

Shiana Rivers:

Was it an eclipse or something?

Shiana Rivers:

There was something that.

Guest:

No, it wasn't an eclipse.

Guest:

I did it fast.

Shiana Rivers:

Okay, when you were.

Shiana Rivers:

When you were incarcerated.

Guest:

Yeah, while I was incarcerated.

Guest:

So this story is pretty dope because my time there, I had three different cellists.

Guest:

One of my cell is when I first got there.

Guest:

He was on his.

Guest:

He was on a 15 year bid.

Guest:

He ended up transferring to another prison to take a drug class.

Guest:

And he'd get out earlier, my next cellie, he was an older guy.

Guest:

He had a six month sentence.

Guest:

He left, he was in and out.

Guest:

Then I had another gentleman come in who was a younger guy.

Guest:

That was my last cellie.

Guest:

He was like 27 years old or 26, young cat from New York, athlete, played basketball overseas.

Guest:

And real, real.

Guest:

He was a good chess player too.

Guest:

I learned a lot from him as a good chess player too.

Guest:

But we would have conversations and I was telling him about, you know, doing a water only fast.

Guest:

And he was like, he's like, man, I want to do that.

Guest:

And I was like, yeah.

Guest:

I said, well, you know, you typically, you know, if you're gonna do it, you could probably start off for three days and you can start off with, you know, this amount of days.

Guest:

And he was like, nah, let's do seven.

Guest:

He's like, I'm gonna do it.

Guest:

I'm like, all right, cool.

Guest:

We start and day one.

Guest:

And I told him, I said, hey, we're gonna, you know, set attention, you know, what you want out of this.

Guest:

I said, be prepared to get answers quickly.

Guest:

Some you may not like, some, you know, will be invented, you know, will be beneficial.

Guest:

But I'm like, just be prepared to feel lighter, to feel, you know, to, to, to have some insight on some different things and all that kind of stuff.

Shiana Rivers:

So had you done a water fast before you had been sent?

Shiana Rivers:

Yeah, okay, okay.

Guest:

Yeah, I, I would do them at least twice, twice a year.

Guest:

All right.

Guest:

Whenever I would, whatever spirit would just bring it upon me to do it, I would just typically do it.

Guest:

So he was like, cool, we're gonna start this one now.

Guest:

This week led up to Easter.

Guest:

That's what it was.

Guest:

Got it correct.

Guest:

So that Sunday was going to be the day we would, we would, we would go back to eat.

Guest:

So day one of the fast, he gets information that he was going to be going home sooner.

Guest:

He didn't have but a seven month sentence, but he got three months and a half hours.

Guest:

So he only spent four months there.

Guest:

So he wasn't even expecting that.

Guest:

So I came back.

Guest:

He, I said, I said, I see, I told you, all right, for things to happen and shift fast before myself, you know, it was more, it was just challenging for me in the sense of like, you know, the access to food, being right next to the locker, can walk right across to the, to the, to the, to the, to the dining hall to get food and people bringing the food back and it's right there in your face.

Guest:

So the challenges for me were more so just like Ah, the food is right here.

Guest:

You know what I'm saying?

Guest:

But I just remember setting the intention and I was like, when his, when his shift happened and changed, the week went through.

Guest:

And at the end of the week, I remember we were setting up for.

Guest:

They were having a, they were having a, like a field day or something like that for us.

Guest:

So our counselor called us up and I was like, hey, Ms.

Guest:

Nelson, you know, for some reason, you know, my halfway house time, I lost that time.

Guest:

You know, is there any reason why?

Guest:

And I had been anticipating about going and talking with her about it, but I was like, you know, just go do it.

Guest:

I went and did it and she was like, well, I can just resubmit it and you know, Steve will come back.

Guest:

And I was like, you know what?

Guest:

Okay, cool.

Guest:

So one of my homeboys, like, you sure you want to do that?

Guest:

He's like, they can take it away fully and you just can stay there.

Guest:

And I was like, you know what I mean?

Guest:

And I already reduced it down to two months.

Guest:

What's going to be one?

Guest:

You know what I'm saying?

Guest:

And shortly right after that, I got to call in and she was like, hey, May the first, you are going to the half house.

Guest:

And that was literally in.

Guest:

It was three weeks away.

Guest:

I wasn't supposed to leave to August 7th.

Shiana Rivers:

Gotcha.

Guest:

So, you know, just, just knowing, you know, just knowing, you know how you, when you, when you make a sacrifice for something in regards to just taking in food and how much food plays a part in how you feel energetically, spiritually.

Guest:

Some of the things you're carrying around, you don't know, like you feel so much lighter when you just.

Guest:

When you do a fast now, is it the easiest thing?

Guest:

No.

Guest:

But once you get into the groove of it, you really don't even, you don't, you really don't even be thinking about food no more.

Guest:

Once you get to the third day, typically the third day is.

Guest:

The second day is the hardest for me.

Guest:

But I know most people say the third day is the hardest for them, but yeah, like, I spent a lot of time grounding during that week.

Guest:

I spent a lot of time, you know, just praying, you know, reading.

Guest:

One of the books I think I read that week was the seventh Spiritual Laws of Success.

Guest:

Yes.

Guest:

Game Changing book.

Guest:

Other books that I read were.

Guest:

I read the Untethered Soul for the third time.

Shiana Rivers:

That's a good read as well.

Guest:

Very good read.

Guest:

I read T.D.

Guest:

jake's.

Shiana Rivers:

Jesus called Swallowed Up.

Shiana Rivers:

I had to, I had to.

Guest:

It was there.

Guest:

I can't think of the name.

Guest:

It'll come back to me.

Guest:

I read Michael Todd's Damage but Not Destroyed.

Guest:

I read Atomic Habits.

Guest:

I read.

Shiana Rivers:

I've read Atomic Habits probably three times.

Shiana Rivers:

And then I'm telling myself, does it mean that I'm just not paying it enough attention to have to revisit it again because I haven't implemented the habits long enough or I just keep restarting and stacking them or like I.

Shiana Rivers:

Something it hasn't, it hasn't gotten to where it needs to get.

Shiana Rivers:

I don't believe.

Guest:

Right.

Shiana Rivers:

I say Atomic Habits is a great read, you know, that I recommend it is.

Guest:

I think it resonates with me because a lot of that is us as a professional athlete.

Guest:

Yeah, the routine, you know what I'm saying?

Shiana Rivers:

But even as an entrepreneur, like, we just have loose schedules.

Shiana Rivers:

If you don't implement routine, if you don't implement, you know, certain things by certain times of day, then it's just loose, stout hair.

Shiana Rivers:

Loose.

Guest:

Yeah, yeah.

Guest:

What else, what else, what else, what else?

Shiana Rivers:

You have plenty of time to read.

Shiana Rivers:

Yeah, that makes sense.

Shiana Rivers:

Yeah, that makes sense.

Shiana Rivers:

Did the halfway house help prepare you more for what you're experiencing in life now?

Guest:

No.

Shiana Rivers:

Or was it halfway?

Shiana Rivers:

Yeah, I was like, was it just a, a check off the checklist situation?

Guest:

It's I'm back home.

Guest:

Get me back home as quick as possible.

Guest:

For me, I can see it being more beneficial for guys who have had an extensive amount of time, you know, 10, 50, like for those guys to get back, acclimated, to get their Social Security card, you know, to get their base level of stuff 1,000%.

Guest:

But for me, not necessarily.

Shiana Rivers:

What is halfway house?

Shiana Rivers:

What is life in a halfway house like?

Guest:

Life in a halfway house is literally a whole bunch of individuals in a dorm.

Guest:

I mean, in a room, in an office park, 16 beds, a dining hall, a few common areas to watch tv.

Guest:

Most guys goal is to get a job because you, once you get a job, you don't have to be there.

Guest:

You know what I'm saying?

Guest:

You get to spend eight hours.

Guest:

So actually, no, I was on.

Guest:

You only get to work a maximum of 60 hours a week.

Guest:

So I was going from 8am to 8pm and I would have to be back before 8pm because you already had.

Shiana Rivers:

Your job still intact here.

Guest:

Yes.

Shiana Rivers:

For those who don't know, like, there's other people that are doing time that had corporate jobs or whatever.

Shiana Rivers:

But you are all right, because you didn't work in corporate.

Shiana Rivers:

You were just already.

Guest:

Yeah, but you had, you had gentlemen that were down there too, who went right back to their corporate jobs.

Guest:

Okay.

Guest:

Who went away too.

Guest:

You know what I'm saying?

Shiana Rivers:

Okay.

Guest:

Yeah.

Guest:

So that was my time span from 8 to 8, how to report back in once you get a certain amount of checks and stuff saved up or once you get a certain amount of time, you start to get home, passes the be home for the weekend.

Guest:

And pretty much from that you're just riding it out.

Guest:

So I was, I'd be there from, from Monday to Saturday morning.

Guest:

Saturday morning, I'm clocking out, I'm home for the weekend.

Shiana Rivers:

Gotcha.

Guest:

And then check back in Monday morning, walk right back out the door to go to work, spend the whole day at work, come on back, you know, so.

Shiana Rivers:

Got it.

Guest:

You know, it has its, you know, benefits obviously, for, for those.

Guest:

And, you know, people can come down and visit and stuff like that.

Guest:

So it's just a lot more lax, you know, but you're still living out a lot like that.

Shiana Rivers:

Okay.

Guest:

Yeah.

Guest:

And a lot of guys who are doing, you know, who are doing well for themselves, like getting things back, going, starting businesses and all that kind of stuff, working and a wealth of information.

Guest:

I met guys who started, you know, logistic companies and all kind of stuff while they were away and running them, all that kind of stuff.

Shiana Rivers:

Okay.

Guest:

Yep.

Shiana Rivers:

Well, what is next for this next chapter of your life?

Guest:

What is next?

Guest:

A few things are next.

Guest:

Producing more shows, events and stuff like that.

Guest:

Obviously been getting back to work, you know, with the clients, you know, being creative, making sure my creative juices are flowing and getting out there, building my own platform and telling my story.

Guest:

My birthday was yesterday in November 12, so I was supposed to have a huge kind of like announcement shoot drop yesterday, but my cousin, he wanted to make sure it was right.

Guest:

So I was like, hey, take your time.

Guest:

Let's get it right.

Guest:

osted anything since March of:

Guest:

But yeah, yeah, just, just, just delving out, making sure.

Guest:

Oh, getting some form of my book edited and all, all the things in regards to that.

Guest:

But really.

Guest:

And then working back with the afternoons and stuff like that.

Guest:

My goal 100 is to, you know, guys are aware, you know, of how difficult it is to transition back from sport to real life, but also meeting inmates.

Guest:

I mean, inmates are having to transition from prison back to real life.

Guest:

Vets are having to transition from serving, you know, out the country and serving our country back to real life.

Guest:

And a lot of, a lot of these pockets and communities have tools and resources, but we don't really know, you know, or being there for each other in different ways.

Guest:

It was crazy because the.

Guest:

A friend of mine who I played with, we got to the halfway house on the same day, you know, so it was just even crazy to experience that synchronicity in it, you know, like to get there, and I'm like, oh, man, I was asking about you, you know, how you was doing, and, you know, people were sending messages.

Guest:

Did you get them?

Guest:

And, you know, all that kind of stuff, you know, because if, you know, a guy's being transferred to another prison, like, hey, my homeboy is over there.

Guest:

Hey, make sure you tell him.

Guest:

So to get there at the same time, him was.

Guest:

Was pretty dope.

Guest:

And we talked about, you know, definitely doing some stuff to help guys be able to transition back from sport to real life.

Guest:

Because prison in real life or sports.

Shiana Rivers:

Prison in real life.

Shiana Rivers:

Okay, okay.

Guest:

What's in real life?

Guest:

Because a lot of us struggle with identity once we're done playing.

Guest:

A majority of us struggle with trying to figure out who we are, you know, or what do we do outside of sport, or, you know, what am I about to do now that I gotta sit at home with myself?

Guest:

I can't run out and go to practice and do all this kind of stuff, you know, I can't be busy running away from myself.

Guest:

So, you know, supplying guys with tools to help them tap into themselves, get to know themselves better, and all that kind of stuff.

Guest:

So I'm excited about that.

Shiana Rivers:

Congratulations.

Shiana Rivers:

And I think even outside of sports, we can label it as a lot of different things.

Shiana Rivers:

Sports, prison, corporate America, roles as mothers or whatever.

Shiana Rivers:

Other roles, identities there's a lot of.

Shiana Rivers:

And I'm so grateful for my own path and journey with that because I had time to figure out who I was before.

Shiana Rivers:

Before getting stuck in something like that.

Shiana Rivers:

Right.

Shiana Rivers:

But with more and more, like, spiritual awakenings taking place, or people just becoming aware that what role they have or identity they have is no longer what they want, you know, it gives them time to think.

Shiana Rivers:

Okay, well, what do I want?

Shiana Rivers:

Who do I want to be?

Shiana Rivers:

What do I see myself doing, you know, here on out?

Shiana Rivers:

But it's like you said, the resources and the tools.

Shiana Rivers:

We weren't taught that per se.

Shiana Rivers:

So it's very much like.

Shiana Rivers:

That's why community is so important.

Shiana Rivers:

Because if you are working on your identity and you don't have those resources, it's good to have people around you that say, oh, well, I went through this.

Shiana Rivers:

Or here's.

Shiana Rivers:

Here's this.

Shiana Rivers:

Next piece of advice that you need for the next level like yep.

Shiana Rivers:

So yeah, it's, we can throw whatever titles and roles but it's all, it's the same thing.

Guest:

It is.

Guest:

I helped a friend of mine prepare for his 27 month sentence and I felt so fulfilled about it because I was able to give him steps and tools with the process along the way.

Guest:

And then now I know what the transitional process is like.

Guest:

I don't know what to prepare him and tell him about, you know, for that.

Guest:

All you gatekeepers out there, give out the information.

Guest:

You're not going to get more.

Guest:

You're not going to get more.

Guest:

Give out the information.

Guest:

You know, a lot of people not going, they still not going to do anything anyway but you know, give out the information because there are people out there who need it and you know, who can, who can put it to use.

Guest:

So.

Guest:

Yeah.

Guest:

Yeah.

Shiana Rivers:

Well, thank you.

Shiana Rivers:

I look forward to seeing what you got in the works.

Shiana Rivers:

I'll be sure to share it with the people because they've been following your story too.

Shiana Rivers:

So we're excited.

Guest:

Thank you.

Guest:

I appreciate everybody that sent prayers and you know, checked in and you know, shed light intent like my way during this time.

Guest:

I, I do appreciate it.

Shiana Rivers:

Course.

Shiana Rivers:

All right, thanks again to everybody for listening and I will see you next week.

Shiana Rivers:

So make sure you meditate and hydrate.

Shiana Rivers:

Bye.

Shiana Rivers:

Thanks for tuning in to who you call in holistic.

Shiana Rivers:

Be sure to like subscribe and share.

Shiana Rivers:

You can find me and all my services on shiana.com that's s h e A N A.

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About the Podcast

Who You Callin’ Holistic?
We’ll talk energy, self awareness, and healing. I’ll have guests share their own journeys and healers from all over. What's your medicine?
Welcome to Who You Callin’ Holistic?! We’ll talk energy, self awareness, and healing. I’ll have guests share their own journies and healers from all over. What's your medicine?

About your host

Profile picture for Barrett Gruber

Barrett Gruber

A transplant from Atlanta to Columbia; Barrett has been using his voice and quick whit to entertain for decades. Starting out in Radio and Television in the late 20th century, Barrett finds himself entertaining again in the 21st Century via a media that's easily paused.